Runners Deserve Equipment Managers: Because attending to our needs is just that important

Running is different from most other sports, namely it’s better. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think I deserve to have an equipment manager around here attending to my needs like the football and basketball players get. What about MY needs?

vibram shoes

Dear My Running Equipment Manager,

I bestow upon you the great honor of lining up my running shoes each and every night, laces loose enough so that all I have to do upon waking is slip my feet in. It’s brutal enough waking up earlier than most, I shouldn’t be expected to function until I’ve gotten at least a 1/2 mile into my run. The task of tying my shoes is implied, I’ll be too busy trying to strap my Garmin on my wrist. (I’ll let you off the hook on that one.)

I really LOVE my Garmin, like love him, but those satellites get iffy every so often and for tempo runs and intervals I have to go with actual markers. You can old school wheel-off the mile markers for all my tempo runs. I’ll direct you to a fun hill and have you mark off 200 and 400 meter markers for when I do hill repeats. Gotta build the power and speed…wait, is it fair to demand THAT much from the single fast twitch muscle fiber I have in my body? ;)

I’ll get back from my run nice and sweat, it’s imperative for my recovery that I eat straight away…like the second my feet stop moving I expect you to wield me the refuel of carbs and protein. I REALLY like doughy carby goodness, so don’t you try and pass off those stale bagels that’s not what I keep you around for. And duh, we’re talking whole grains and wheat variety, none of that white crap. #healthyrunnereats
runner eating pizza
Actually food is a constant theme of the runner life. So you’re also a glorified short order chef; be close by because you never know when the runner black hole stomach gremlin may rear its ugly head.

Speaking of ugly heads, injuries are bound to spring up. No they kind of sneak attack and they are going to leave me uglier than that thing that crawled up out of The Ring. Your job will be to make sure I don’t wind up getting myself into too much trouble, if the judge isn’t a runner he may not sympathize with a not guilty plea if my excuse is that my state of mind was impaired and the outlash was because of miles withdrawals.

I LOVE me my running clothes. Especially THESE shirts and my tempo shorts. Do the laundry and don’t go losing all my left socks either.
runner closet
Runners may not have the crazy fans that the soccer (sorry, futbol/football) fans get in Brazil, even though we deserve it lots more. You can also function as my entourage; I’d like feeling like I’m more important than I am every now and again.

I really am happy to have you around My Running Equipment Manager. You can do all the things I’d rather not have to think about. I’d rather just run. Oh wait, I forgot, just a couple other small tasks: massage me, freeze my ice cups, track the miles on my shoes, buy me new shoes, fold my running shirts, inform me of running news and results, foam roll for me, stretch for me, lay out my free weights, keep away leashless dogs, move absent-minded pedestrians from my path, pace me for my 400′s, call out my mile splits, pay my race entry fees, make sure I get VIP status to port-a-potties, pace me for 800′s, update my running log nightly and read bedtime stories to my treadmill.

What an AWESOME job you’ve got! XOXO Arty Runnerchick

1) What would you employ your running equipment manager for?

2) What are some things you do to make it easier/faster for you to get up and get out for you run?
Lay my running clothes and shoes out the night before.

3) What is your go-to post-run refuel?
English muffin and tuna…talk about eating on a budget! #dirtcheap ;)

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20 thoughts on “Runners Deserve Equipment Managers: Because attending to our needs is just that important

  1. Oh my, an equipment manager! They would ask how far my run is, and based on this, would line up the number of Gu’s, S-caps, and they would ask my course so that they could put water bottles at specific areas. They would also constantly be watching the weather channel, and now the temperature and wind, and would know if it was shorts or tights, long or short sleeve shirts, gloves or no gloves, head band or not.
    Theyd also have my pre-run diet ahead of time, and my recovery drink waiting for me.
    Hmmm, the only question is would I want them to ‘body glide’ me or not? Probably wouldn’t be pleasent on either end. Guess I’ll do that myself.

    Oh yeah, wait, I would call off songs and they would download them on itunes and put on my playlist. Swweeeettt idea! Sorry, ran with it a bit.

    • omg…GENIUS!! a personal running DJ…u seriously need to take that to apple. ;) haha…glad u were kind and spared ur equip. manager the body glide duty. i’ll one-up u in the TMI, i’ll make my little guy carry the toilet paper but i won’t make him join me behind the bush. ;)

  2. Love this! I would definitely employ an equipment manager to make sure that all my running tights and crop tops are clean at all times, to untangle my headphone cords because I am not that dexterous, and to cheer me on as I yell out how awesome I am and how much further I have to go. Then they can massage my legs and my neck after I run, and make sure I have a warm shower waiting (I know, I know, it should be cold – not happening), and then a big cup of green tea and some crackers with peanut butter, or beetroot and dijon (let’s not go there, my tastebuds are wacky little gremlins).

    • bwahaha….yea, maybe we can find a way to make them take a cold ice bath FOR us…that would solve it all! and perfect task for unknotting all those cords, those things are way too freaking tricky, it’s tougher than a Rubix cube! :P

  3. I can’t choose a question to answer because I am too busy laughing at this. You are hilarious. This is my all time favourtie!!

    I especially love that despite trusting them with everything you still put your own “garmin” on. “MY Garmin..all mine”. I wouldn’t let anyone touch mine either ;)

    So maybe I would hire them to remind me to charge my garmin since he’s not allowed to touch it!!!!

  4. I LOVED this post! Runners get stiffed because it’s a solo sport but that’s not MY problem! I would have my manager foam roll me out like a mofo, lay out my clothes and make mad playlists.

    I have the BEST pumpkin protein pancake recipe, if I do say so myself. that is my favorite post run fuel :)

  5. First of all, this post is littered with fantastic links! I’ve been thinking about hill work-outs (I’d be doing the already but I’m trying to be a good girl and letting my body recover – the whole reverse taper thing).

    I had never considered a caddy for running – way to plant that idea :-P. My running manager would have to be ready to take discarded clothes as I run, pace me by bicycle, and be ready with drink bottles (my Dad is so awesome that on the rare occasions I visit, he actually does this for me on a long run – spoilt much?!).

    Post run – hand me the yogurt. And the peanut butter. Now.

  6. This is too funny! It is great having someone to do all of the thinking for you.. ;) Some of the things that I do to make it easier to get after in the morning are…I lay my gear out so I can just throw it on, have my ipod charged!, decide what’s for breakfast the night before and fix my lunch for the day too. :)
    As long as my post run yummies refuel me, it can be anything! :) I like for an egg to be in there :)

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