The Running Tax: What would Uncle SaMiles as you as payment of your annual running?

So for all of us in the US of A, April brings taxes and it got me wondering what if there were a similar sort of taxing system that was applied to our running and working out. Would you have to rack up a yearly total of our miles? A tally of the minutes, hours, eternities spent sweating…then pay back some kind of dividend?

thank you

I'm sooo happy to pay taxes!! Umm...not. (Art: Cait Chock)

* Total yearly miles: Calculate just how many of those 1,609 meter’ers you busted out and you will be asked to pay back 15% on top of a set base rate of 100 miles.

* Races: Races act as deductions; the total number of races you ran for the year when multiplied by 10 will be the percentage deducted. For every new PR you set that will act as a 20% deduction off of total owed.

* Are you married: For people who are married (this runnerchick will INCLUDE everyone here, same sex couples are counted.) you will be even a credit if some of those miles were in fact run together. The total number of shared miles will be deducted from what you owe.

* Any kids: If you’ve got kids and they are active in a sport, for every sport your child or children are in will also be accredited as a deduction in the value of a percent. Example- a child who participates in three sports will be a 3% deduction.

* Community service and donations: Got dead running shoes? If you’ve donated them to a worthy charity or cause, done a re-use a shoe recycling program, or even bought shoes for a running program you will be offered a deduction.
injured runner
* Cross-training and other workouts: We all get injured and for those times cross-training is in order you will instead calculate time spent sweating. We will then correlate 10 minute increments to be tallied as a mile. For core, yoga, pilates, gym, weights, plyometrics, etc. you will count one mile as 20 minutes.

Time to pay up. Once your head is about as dizzy as your legs would be after 100 miles run around a track you will be expected to pay back your total due. This total is owed to help support the running community and can be given back in a number of ways.
* Seek out the people who yell at runners from their cars and force them to swallow 200 Gu’s in a single sitting. Each person is counted as 15 payments.

* Giving one stick of Body Glide to a chaffing runner will count as 1 payment.

* Find anyone running in a pair of Converse shoes, jeans, or similarly ridiculous attire and point them in the direction of their nearest running shoe store…this is akin to acting as an EMT worker getting a patient to the hospital. Each person is 10 repayments.

* Praises to a struggling runner during a run or race is counted as 1 payment of service. We all have crappy runs and the motivational support of even a stranger at times can keep us going until the next step…the next mile…the finish.

hungry runner

We've all been there...

* Payments can be bought; every Dollar spent towards foodage on post-run, post-race, post-sweaty refuel of another runner counts as one repayment. That amount is doubled for any money spent on fuel or drinks reserved for aid stations at races.

Audits, cheats, and mile law dodgers: If your annual miles logged seems supsect or you have been lying about your PR’s you will be subject to an audit. Nobody likes a person who isn’t honest on their weekly miles or the person who tries to continually one-up anyone else…it isn’t always a competition in volume, PR’s can speak for themselves, and in the end you’re only running for yourself so who are you trying to impress? For people found guilty of lying, padding their totals, or any other kind of shifty behavior you will be publicly humiliated. We all work hard for those sweat filled minutes, the miles of exertion, of bliss, of agony, of dedication, of perseverance, and of gratification and cheaters just cheapen it for all of us.

Punishment is to wear a sign that you are in fact a mile lier and you will be expected to pay back the full amount due to the running community times two.

1) What would you like to add to our Running Tax System?

2) Do you keep track of your total miles, cross-training minutes, core, weights, etc.? Do you have a training log?

3) How would you give back to the running community?

4) What do you think should be done to people who lie about their workouts, times, or turn weekly totals into an overly competitive sport and just try to outdo you for the sake of outdoing you?

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6 thoughts on “The Running Tax: What would Uncle SaMiles as you as payment of your annual running?

  1. This post made me smile 🙂 I definitely don’t grasp why some people lie about training / times / etc…does anyone else really care that much? So much of running is about the personal challenge, it doesn’t seem to make sense to lie to others when you’re never going to be able to lie to yourself!

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