I’ve got a clunker on the brain! Well, because I’m dirty poor and need a set of wheel’s I’m on the prowl. That said no clunkers need apply, I will turn you away at the first sight of you. Or the first exhaust fume belch that puts Al Bundy to shame. You see, I’m not willing to fork out the dough for a sweet ride but I want one anyway.
I want a car that matches my legs. Scratch that, I’d like a car that matches my full left leg and then my right leg only from the knee up. For the lower part of the right leg I’d prefer being kankleless.
My car has to be able to run as much as I want it to and to do so in a timely fashion. No stutter starts, unless we’re doing a fartleck that is, and when we get rolling I want to feel like I’m in the zone and the miles are ticking off effortlessly.
I want to be able to cruise faster than as many of the boys as I can. I’d like to also be able to smirk at them as I pass. If I pull up next to two Asians with a little bullhorn contraption on their car telling me it’s go time I want to smoke ’em. (This is not some kind of horrible racist joke, I hate racism, this is a movie reference, so no hate mail please.)
Now, unlike my own self I don’t want a car with gurgly gut syndrome. I don’t want to have to pull over to make a pit-stop in some bushes. I don’t want to feel like I’m clenching the trunk down for dear life trying to avoid an explosion.
My car tends to get super hot and sweaty in any weather above that of a crisp misty morning…some kind of super sweating power. To negate this AC is a must.
My radio, this is where I’m a bit flexible. Of course I need a kick-butt playlist (What constitutes an awesome workout song is left up to my own discretion and don’t judge if a Miley hit works its way in there. It may be followed up by a Nine Inch Nails Tune and for periods Cake’s ‘The Distance’ may be on continuous repeat.) The speakers need to be able to go loud enough to drown out my horrible singing because trust me I’ll be belting it out not caring that I’m off key. I say I’m flexible because there will also be times where I’ll prefer silence, where I can just find pleasure in the turnover the wheels, the ticking off of the miles, and listening to the steady hum of the engine.
A good car can’t only be about the cardio…err, running miles…err, driving miles. It needs some core work, making sure the outside is toned and strong enough to keep on supporting the workload. Getting all nice and shiny.
It’s also gotta be able to rest when it wants to, after a nice shower so it doesn’t leave a sweat stain on the garage floor. Since it works hard it is allowed to rest ‘hard’ and that leads us to the refueling hard.
Now we all should get what we want, ice cream for me and gas for it. Mine sounds tastier but to each their own. That said, this is where me and my car will have to part ways, I’ll spend as much as I want to throw down my gullet but I’m looking for a cheap car and so you’re getting cheapo gas, Mister!
Like I said, I’m dirty poor and need a set of wheel’s, I’m on the prowl. That said no clunkers need apply, I will turn you away at the first sight of you. Or the first exhaust fume belch that puts Al Bundy to shame. You see I’m not willing to fork out the dough for a sweet ride but I want one anyway.
1) Are you a ‘car person’?
Not at all, I don’t know the names of makes and models and I don’t see it as a status symbol. I’d rather spend my money elsewhere, just so long as it gets me from point A to point B.
2) Do you find it funny when cars or other things match the person? Is it true that people turn into their pets?
I hope not, my cat licks himself WAY too much!
3) Do you hate car hunting as much as me?
4) Favorite part of your body and way.
Legs. For what they do for me and for allowing me to run, yes I bag on my kankle, but it’s made me appreciate my legs even more.