So I had thought that it was certainly time that us runners had a superhero all our own. I mean, okay, there is The Flash, but really he’s not really a runner runner per se. And besides, while he is out there supposedly hunting down the ‘real bad guys’ he seems to be ignoring the MANY other plagues of the runner. Wayward drivers, leashless dogs, people who don’t know that lane 1 is to run FASTER in, and all the rest of our banes. We need someone fighting on our side. Fear not fellow fleet-footed friends, our time has come…
The Story of The Kankled Avenger
She was a runner, just like many others. Had the itch for the miles, felt compelled to log more and more to nudge that weekly total up. Some were faster, some were slower, some were grueling, some were euphoric, and many more falling somewhere in-between. Plenty of society thought her mad for having such an affinity for track of all things, but that didn’t bother her. She actually kind of liked it and found her place amongst other fellow runners. A unique kinship, a quick wave to the stranger running on the opposite side of the road, others who just ‘got it.’
It was a pretty normal day, nothing out of the ordinary. She got up, laced up the shoes, set out for a run and started the watch. The first five minutes clicked off as per the usual, six minutes, then a rumble came from behind. Not just the regular rumble of an engine but more like the sound an 80 year old smoker for life makes as they hack up a really juicy wad of phlegm. The kind of sound coming from a car whose door is a different color from the body and the bumper is sagging more on the left side than the right.
The noise got louder and the runner knew it was just too close for comfort. BAM! She got it, the damage was done. No need to further detail the nastier parts, but needless to say it wasn’t pretty. She was patched up, it took some time, but she eventually got back to running. The reminders of the day though, were that of an atrocity usually only reserved for those who probably couldn’t run a mile if their lives depended on it. The ones who thought a farkleck came from a horse’s behind. This runner was left, along with her scars…a KANKLE!
She shuddered to admit it, pulling on the low cut sock that was the only kind that now fit, but it was a kankle she had. She figured that it was a just reward for making fun of kankle sufferers all her life, she never thought she’d ever have one. But, it was what it was and ‘eh, she could still run so whateves. And from there The Kankled Avenger was born.
From that day forward she felt compelled to take back the rights of the runner. There were plenty of things she could put on the list of offenders and she thought it high time to start checking them off. The hunt to make the roads, the tracks, the cross-country courses, the trails, and all other places a better place for the harrier. And so it begins…
Alright folks, as with any good annoying summer blockbuster (although don’t worry I’m fully aware this is hardly a blockbuster!) you gotta build up as much fanfare and also leave the audience with amble cliffhangers. So you get the background story today and the actual first episode tomorrow…sorry, I hate myself too.
ALSO, as with any good superhero, our Kankled Avenger needs a posse, a crew, some friends. She’s got a few in mind already but will be holding a casting call to anyone who thinks they’ve got the stuff. If you’d like to apply, please leave your resume as a comment. Let us know your name, preferred distance, distinguishing trait, why you should be chosen, and lastly the offense that tops your list as the runner’s bane.