I Run For Bribes…Bribes and Blackmail too I Guess

I tell my legs that if they run the miles I want I’ll like them better. Apparently they are suffering from such low self-esteem that they will put up with anything to be my friend.
chicked wings
I’ve promised these same legs that if they carry me through that last mile, don’t slow down, just make it to the finish line, then I’ll reward them with a break. I leave out the part about the cool-down.

My lungs sometimes are upset that I’m not sucking air in fast enough, in enough volume to keep pace with the muscles screaming for precious oxygen. So I’ve bartered with the lungs, agreed that they only have to put up with me for the duration of my long run and then for the rest of the day I’ll walk around mouth agape, like a fish. That certainly would be enough O2.

My body gets annoyed when I continue to ignore it when it whines, “I’m tired.” So I ante up this, “Okay, fine, put your miles in for the day and then I promise to be a sloth. Just give me my run.”
runner after finish
There are points where a run *gasp* feels a bit like a chore. I fall back on bribes…and blackmail. My carrot is the pint of Ben & Jerry’s, my blackmail is reminding myself I’ll only be stuck with my runner guilt if I were to skip the miles. On go the running shoes.

I’ve written down a time, nothing more complex than numbers. Black and white digits. But these are some of the most powerful bribes. No need to embellish the naked truths that lie within these numbers: the truth of work, pain, suffering in the sickly addictive way. I think these are my favorite bribes.

Bribes seem to work well for runners; you see, some things are much more enticing than money. The rewards so much more fulfilling than anything of actual monetary value.

1) What’s a bribe you’ve used to get what you want for your body in terms of running?

2) What is an example of a bribe that is more motivating to work towards than if you were offered cash money?

3) Is there a time when the bribe didn’t work, or you had to resort to blackmail instead??
Runner guilt…proven and effective blackmail!

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16 thoughts on “I Run For Bribes…Bribes and Blackmail too I Guess

  1. It’s nice to know that sometimes you don’t want to do it either!

    I bribe my body with food too – the more you run, the more you can eat! The sense of accomplishment is worth more than money.
    ‘I ran a 10km’ sounds so much better than ‘someone gave me $100′

    For blackmail – failure. I do not fail. I do not want to admit to giving up!

  2. Bragging rights work as bribery for me! That and the promise of peanut butter or ice cream or a wonderful afternoon nap :) I also use television shows as bribery, as in ‘I can watch x television show during my run’. Distraction and motivation!
    Runner guilt? I’m guilty too. Although I try not to beat myself up too much and just get back on target the next day.

  3. Food. Cold chocolate milk. Chocolate. Pizza. And I remind myself how great it will feel laying on the couch with all my muscles still firing but me just laying there with a pop (yes, a pop) in hand.

  4. The feeling of confidence is almost like a bribe for me. I know if I keep running, I’ll feel so much better for the rest of the day/week. If I stop running, it turns into intense runner’s guilt blackmail. Nooooot cool.

    P.S. I really like your wording throughout the post. It’s very unique and a nice change of pace from other blogs I like. :)

  5. bahahahahaha. omg. this just reminded me of the last 3 miles of my 50. literally i was talking out loud to my calves/quads/legs in general. Dear legs…i know you have been through so much. 50 miles is a really long way to go. I get it. It probably really sucks to do this. And you probably hate me. But we have come too far and are too close for you to give up on me now. I could get sub11 you see and that would be really cool. So maybe after this we could rest and not run long for a really long time. Or ice. Or not run at all.

    One week off. that was all the mind could handle. hopefully my legs forgot the bribe;)

    • oh my word, if there was ever a time to bribe those legs of your’s!! i LUV tho how quickly they recoup and are ready to be thrown back out to the land of runnerdom! :)

  6. You’re blog is great!
    I tell myself how skinny I’ll be. Or how if I wasn’t a runner I wouldn’t get to indulge the way that I do.
    Sometimes I resort to “I’ll get new shoes or etc. soon” or “I’ll get to drink beer tonight” if things get really bad.

    • thanks so much!! hahaha…u’re so funny, i do often think, “umm, how sucky would it be if i weren’t a runner and couldn’t eat like a total fat kid?!”

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