About Cait

Freelance writer, artist, & graphic designer. Founder of Ezzere Running Shirts http://ezzere.com/ #runner #writer #blogger #artist #designer Run. Laugh. Be.

The Run-Fessional: Air your quirks, embarrassments, and running related sins…no judgement

Runners can be weird, quirky, obsessive, at times overly-dramatic (worst run of my LIFE!), hilarious, and flat-out gross. Hey, it’s the nature of the beast and just comes with the territory…then again some of those jokes seem to really only be THAT side-splitting mid-workout and obviously proof of an oxygen-deprived brain.
neurotic runner
So yea, runners harbor some weird thoughts, do some questionable things, maybe even some acts we’re not all that proud of. (caught, bush-diving?) The thing is, harboring all of that ‘guilt’ isn’t healthy, and for the most part if you were to air your secrets, even sins by way of running, out to some fellow runners they either have done the same things or would at least see the line of reasoning that led you to such a predicament.

Enter the Run-fessional.

“I hate dogs when I’m in ‘runner’ mode. I see them as I approach and I cringe. I feel horrible because in ‘real life’ I’m a total dog person.”

Have you ever lied to get into a faster heat?

“I once took a deuce in the playground of a grammar school. It was a weekend, it was an emergency.”

Did you once steal your competitor’s spikes?

“I snuck out of my house at 3am to go for a run. I was supposed to be on a break.”

Are you guilty because you once didn’t tell your training partner they made it through the second half of the long run with that snot-rocket stuck to the side of their cheek? Then you went out to coffee afterwards and you STILL didn’t tell them? πŸ˜‰
runner closet
I want to hear it all! Don’t worry, we’ll keep this all anonymous, the actual quotes up here are from three of the first few brave souls who wanted to take part. If you’ve got something you’d like to get off your chest, share a little neurotic habit, or even if you’re too shy to actually brag but need a spot to shout out how hard-core you are, send me an email: captaincait@hotmail.com

Pull out the skeletons amongst the running shoes buried in your closet and spill it…you know you want to. πŸ™‚

1) What are some of the funniest ‘inside jokes’ that have come out of workouts and runs with friends?
One of my favorite quotes came: “I’m touching cloth!”

2) Things told to you in confidence between training partners, is that vaulted sort of similar to secrets between spouses, best friends?

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There Are No ‘Givens’ With Running

Running is NEVER a given. This is true in a few ways:
running fortune cookie
* ABILTY: You can never get too ‘greedy’ with your running because sooner or later your ability to run will be snatched away in the form of injuries. Injuries STING and though they do heal, it often times feels like an eternity. Injuries come with the territory and they act as reminders to BE SMART. Don’t get overly greedy with miles, don’t forget the value of EASY days, remember to stretch and do the preventative care (icing, core work, etc.) to stay healthy. Injuries also test the fortitude of a runner, you can’t let them suck you into a depressive hole because in order to get through them and back running you have to be both proactive and positive. The worse the injury, the more of those double P’s that you need.

* EXPECTATIONS: Running is full of variables; science tries to help us get a read on most of those variables (nutrition, easy/hard days, training cycles, peaking, etc.) but at the end of the day there is always the margin on unknown. When you train like mad for a race, you do all you can to taper right but on any given day there is that margin of just rolling the dice and hoping the ‘right’ legs show up after the gun goes off.
missing legs
* ACHIEVEMENTS: Play the odds all you want, previous PR’s and credits to a racer’s name do NOT guarantee anything between the gun and breaking the tape. Running and racing presents you with a sort of ‘clean slate’ every day in that you must get up and DO the same thing every day, you are tested by the SAME actions, and fight the same MENTAL battles to get what you want and obtain your goals.

On that last one, there is a really good interview with Meb Keflezighi by way of Competitor.com. I’d suggest you go read it; being that he is 41 it touches of course on ways he fights to stay healthy as a runner, how he is more attentive to his nutrition and how he’s adjusted his training.

Though, my favorite part comes in the last few lines as he addresses the fact that many runners look to him as an inspiration after winning the USA Olympic Marathon Trials and placing 4th at the Olympic Marathon, while being deemed an ‘old’ runner.

“The connection is that your best effort is not always about getting a medal. Once you hit the wall and fall back, it’s hard to push and gain, but that’s what I did in London, and that’s the beauty of running at any level. You fight for every spot, every second. It might be a few seconds for me or it might be 15 minutes for someone wanting to qualify for Boston. You earn it. You have to fight for not. It’s never given to you.”

In running and in racing EVERYONE is fighting, hurting, and pushing themselves regardless of level. Running, despite it’s crazy variables and unknowns, DOES reward hard work and perseverance. Respect it, don’t be greedy with it, cherish it, and then be ready to fight like mad when it is GO time.

1) Name one way that running is never a given and how you most recently were faced with that truth.

2) What is something you do to remind yourself not to ‘get greedy’ with your running?

3) What is something you are currently ‘fighting for’? (ie: race, goal, PR-chase, get healthy, etc.)
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Runner’s Strip: Pinterest Boards That Never Really Took Off

I’m a runner, not a gourmet chef, expert crafter, travel photographer or fitness model so I’ve decided to cut myself off from Pinterest. I only end up feeling frustrated by my own lack of competence. Plus, all the truly awesome boards never really took off for some reason…
runner pinterest board
Up for some more of my Runner’s Strip cartoon action? Head on over HERE! πŸ™‚

1) What would be a failed running related Pinterest board?

2) What’s the last photo you theoretically could have posted to one of these boards?
Please don’t send me any of your lunches…lol.
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Get a Runner Sick and You’ve Got He** Coming Your Way

There are few things that peeve me more than getting sick, and I know I’m not the only runner who thinks this. Because, let’s be honest, worse than the perma-snot train, the bowels of fury, the curled fetal position around the Porcelain King is the fact that getting sick throws a monkey wrench into our training. Isn’t that the end-all of everything for a runner, heaven forbid our runs get impeded upon?! πŸ˜‰
sick runner
I’m sick. I denied it at first, but when it starts feeling like my body is trying to kill me I guess I can’t run from the obvious anymore. The first thing all us OCD runners need to channel our neurosis towards is AVOIDING getting sick:

* Rinse, repeat: I admit to be a big hand-washer any time my hands are going to touch food, my plates, or anything going into my mouth. I really do attribute this neurosis to helping me stave off getting sick more than I would.

* Dirty Gyms: Gyms and fitness equipment that people share are about the dirtiest places and things in the world. Think about the amount of bodily fluids floating and spraying around those places…yoga mats, they are the same on both ends, so unroll that sucker and you have about a 99.9% chance of laying your head where someone’s butt went. πŸ˜‰ Use those sani-wipes and sprays before you use things.

* Distance: “I love you but you’re sick,” it’s really nothing personal when you tell your friends and family members (yes, even a spouse or lovey-dovey buddy) to kindly keep their distance when they are infected. Just explain you’re a runner, I mean we’re weird enough in general that that should cover the explanation.

kiss a runner

So, this time how about don’t kiss me…but I love you anyways. πŸ˜‰


But even then us runners DO get sick. The rule of whether to run through a sickness or not:

If it’s something from the neck up you’re good to get your miles fix on, if it’s below the neck think twice and rest may be best

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You really have to weight the pro’s and con’s with sicknesses below the neck:

Will a few extra days of doing jack crap and resting actually get you over the cold and back to training FASTER than running through something, prolonging the string of ‘half-@$$ed, crummy runs’ and then potentially making it worse so that you then have to inevitably take a much longer time off resting?

Making decisions like these, not unlike debating whether to run through a new ache or pain and wondering if it’s an injury, are things that define a mature runner. Runners are constantly forcing themselves to run through the pain and discomfort and ‘suck it up’, which is a good thing because you’ve got to be tough for workouts and races. BUT there is a fine line between being so numb and ‘stupid’ that you start to ignore obvious signals that you’re running through the ‘wrong’ kind of tired. [Actually, the ever-awesome Kate @ Run With Kate did a kick-butt post on debating this sickness and running thing HERE!]

To run through sickness or not to run? That may be one question. Though, the answer to this question is always the same: What should be the punishment to those who infect a runner with a dirty, stinky, nasty, cold that messes with their miles fix?

Answer: Severe.

1) What are some things you do to avoid getting sick? Do you get more hyper-conscioud of germs during certain points of your training and racing seasons?

2) How do you decide whether to run through a cold or not?
Honesty time, sometimes I run even if I were coaching someone in ‘my state’ and I’d tell them to take a rest day. That said, I’m not training for something and the mental sanity retained from even a baby run is worth it to me. That said, if I’ve barfed or am super drained I cede victory to the sickness and coach-surf.

3) What should the punishment be for infecting a runner?

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Runners Invading Hollywood

Runners are storming the sliver screen in 2013. I’m not sure if you’ve missed some of these GEMS in the coming attractions, so if so I’m going to catch you up to speed on the movies EVERY runner needs to sit through and rest their glutei maximi for!

runner pooping

True fact, an earlier Arty Runnerchick work!


Bowels of Fury: A non-stop butt-clenching thrill ride. Quick to the action think of the runner’s rendition of Speed…this ‘bus’ is in motion, it’s got a ticking time bomb in its intestines, if it takes a pit-stop there will no doubt be some kind of explosion. Will our poor running heroine make it through her marathon without disaster? For, as we all know taking that first bush-dive is always a gamble, sometimes it’s all you need to feel better but other times it’s just like opening up the flood-gates to a series of emergencies. This one is a real cheek-clencher.

The Little 5k That Could: Times are tough, race entry fees are getting insanely expensive, so what are the poor, pauper runners to do when they need a certified course to get their USATF recognized PR? This not quite rags to riches story (heavy on the sweaty sock rags, not so much on the micro-fiber riches) is a heartwarming tale of two training partners heck-bent on earning their 5k PR. Between gut-wrenching workouts they must find a way to raise the funds for the entry fees…they hold out hope that amongst the pick-up packet goods that the race shirt is, indeed, awesome and not some corny cotton tee with a lame logo. Runner and Ebert give this one two big toes up.

How the West Was Run: The 100 Mile Western States Trail Run puts Placer, CA on the map…those last 300+ meters are run on the Placer High School track after all. Grueling hill climbs await all those who enter, but it wouldn’t be a trail run without them, right? This story chronicles the entrants of this Ultra race set in 2215 when the supposed ‘End of the World’ is ‘predicted’ to occur. This blending of sci-fi running fantasy is heavy on the explosions, aliens (Will Smith XXXXIV stars and sucker-punches many alien scum) and of course sweaty miles. No spoiler alerts here, but as all runners know it’s not so much the aliens and lasers they need to be concerned about during a race, but good old fashioned lactic acid onslaught.
runner in forest
The Training Journal: Start swooning girls, Ryan Gosling has plenty to quip about [“Hey, Girl…I could stare longingly at your Plantar Fascia for hours.”] as he quite literally chases the object of his affection across the US in a series of road races. Our speed-blessed darling at first is unaware of her suitor (don’t worry, Gosling avoids the stalker vibe) as she shares her training and racing plans via her blog, her heart is set on earning a big-time shoe sponsorship. Finally a series of ‘chance encounters’ see our duo meet face to face; he seems to be an excellent pacing partner but can our runnerchick darling ever look past the miles and chicking and into Goslings baby blues?

Running cinema is at its finest this year so start saving those funds for the theaters…just be sure to put in YOUR miles before watching our leading characters put in theirs. πŸ˜‰

1) Have a funny title for a running themed movie you’d like to add? Double points if you give a little recap!

2) What kinds of movies do you tend to like? What movies do you seek out if you know you’re set for a longer run on the treadmill?

3) If you could give a name to the training/running phase you’re in right now, what would it be?

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The Miraculous Millisecond After a PR: All a runner needs to validate all those miles

I know you can’t run away from your problems but my brain tells me that I just might if I get a new PR. πŸ˜‰
run from problems
There really are few things that can get you more jacked (yes, I did just use that term and will stick by my choice of adjective) than a new personal best time. This applies obviously to races, but even PR’s in workouts. Crossing the line your legs are screaming at you to drop down dead to the ground but crazily thanks to being ‘jacked’ you’ve got this miraculous blitz of energy to postpone death drop for a second. In that second you are on cloud nine, beaming (at least inside, it may look like a sneer or grimace outwardly, but WE know it’s a smile!), fists pumping in the air (again, maybe only in our minds) and that lactic acid is numb.

Well, more like a millisecond of euphoric numbness but it IS there before the onslaught rush of muscles screaming at you because of the exertion. Even then, it’s sort of a sick and twisted awesome kind of pain that leaves you feeling jacked because:

1) YOU were beast-mode enough to last out the pain. You freaking bested your own brain that race, didn’t relent when you could have, pushed harder when your legs told you that you couldn’t, and you dug deep. Maybe deeper than you ever have before. Your body was being punished but you took it like a good soldier and kept your goals, the finish line, and the ever-powerful clock in mind.

2) You’re faster. I guess there’s no other way to put it…running works on two things: speed and distance. Improve on one and you’re pretty much validating all the work you’re doing. All the miles spent, all the workouts where no one knew you came out the mental victor, the sacrifices you’ve made, the nights you’ve visualized achieving that time. Validation.
tired runner
So yea, I’m more than comfortable whipping out the jacked term, make fun of me if you must. I grew up in California so I’ll say if you get a new PR you have license to be hella hecka jacked. It’s bitchin.

Though, don’t rest on your laurels too much. Running is a little cruel like that…because guess what? You can still get faster. Of course you need to SAVOR those victories and achievements along the way, savor the heck out of them, but after that sweat has gotten super stinky (please, shower) the truth is running will taunt you, “You can still be faster.”

“Maybe not, you say?” Okay, this is true, there will inevitably be the PR that is a life PR but the other awesome thing about running is that it’s all relative. As in Masters runners still set PR’s…maybe a PR for their decade, maybe a new longest distance PR.

The term PR might eventually evolve into the word ‘goal’ for you. There is always the next GOAL to work towards. In the end, no matter what you call it, few things in the world (honest to goodness, I’d even argue with a meth addict to give chasing PR’s a shot…lol) leave you feeling more JACKED than obtaining a new running goal.

1) Finish the sentence: You can’t run away from your problems, but…

2) Brag time, when is the last time you got a PR? It can be from a workout even or you can swap PR out and use the word goal.

3) What leaves you feeling jacked?

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A Runner’s Motivation: Combat lulls in motivation because the key to running your best is consistency

With running there really is no ‘off season’. There are quick lapses to allow for breaks, and don’t get me wrong, taking a break after a rigorous training cycle and racing season is INCREDIBLY important. However, at the same time, most athletes take only about two weeks before they get going again.
keep running
The ironic thing about running is that you can lose all that fitness you worked your @$$ off for pretty dang quickly; (Don’t believe me, talk to even a professional athlete when they go for that first run after their two week break!) yet, thanks to the miracle of muscle memory, consistent runners snap back into shape rather quickly too. So it’s about a two week hazing period after a break where the legs feel completely foreign and the lungs are screaming at you, but crest that hump and you start to hit your stride again and get into the swing of workouts.

If you’re not with a team running traditional seasons (ie: cross country, indoor track, outdoor track) you may be doing road races or training for a marathon. Trust me, there are no shortage of races to be had all year round. Is racing a necessity for being a runner? Hardly, I haven’t raced since Pikachu was giving kids seizures but I’m still a runner.

That said, many people need the excitement of a race as motivation to get in their runs and workouts. Lulls in motivation are something every runner deals with; though the trick to STAYING a runner is powering through them. Some ways to keep your running exciting and fresh, with or without a race coming up:

* Switch Distances: If you’re coming off of a marathon try training for a fast 5k. Working on your speed will always improve your longer races…think about it, the faster you can run a mile, the faster you can then hold a slightly slower pace for a 5k, 10k, and beyond.

* Go Long: Reflexively, if you’re coming off a string of 5k’s and 10k’s do some longer based threshold work and long runs as a half-marathoner or marathoner would do and you’ll improve your endurance. That will of course translate down in your ability to stay strong and close hard in those shorter races.

* Tackle Hills: If you’ve not done hill repeats or much hill running hit these suckers to improve strength. That extra strength will mean speed when you go back to the flats…plus, exploring new hilly terrain and trails can be fun.

run for cake

Dreaming of cake works as motivation too! πŸ˜‰


* Run Naked: No, not like that, but running without a Garmin or being overly hung-up on paces is a necessity sometimes. Run for effort and do fartlek workouts away from the track or marked trails. Here is a fix for the times where you may just be feeling burned out on workouts OR you find yourself getting so stressed out about times and splits that you really do start to dread your workouts. You should never dread your runs.

* Explore: Find new routes, find new people to run with, go outside of your comfort zone…anything that feels like you’re exploring your running in a new way. Often times running turns to routine, which can be helpful in some ways, but every now and again you need to shake up that routine to keep that running fresh.

* Basics: If you’re finding yourself feeling burned out or not sure where you want to go with this running thing, just roll with it. Remember WHY you run, how it makes you feel, think of some of your favorite races and runs and figure out WHY you enjoyed them so much. Go back to running like a kid would, just have freaking fun with it.

The reason I bring up keeping your running exciting and new to you is because our sport hinges upon consistency. There is no ‘off season’ for being a runner you see? Doing the same thing all-year round will inevitably bring times where the repetitiveness is just straight-up boring or unappealing.

Yes, there will be days where your running feels like a chore…BUT you do that chore for the day because not soon thereafter will be the days where your running returns to the ever-amazing passion that makes you feel right. You just have to stay the course and keep yourself motivated through those lulls.

1) What is one way you’ve kept your running fresh and exciting?

2) What are you currently working towards? Whether it be a race, a new kind of training style, getting speedier, etc.

3) When’s the last time you ran ‘naked’?

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Runner’s Strip: The Pre-Run Routine – Get out the door and running before you grow a beard

Sometimes it feels like it can take an eternity before we actually get out the door for that run. Between taking care of all those creaks and squeaks, making sure the ‘guts’ and bladder are ready to roll, and WHY does that darn Garmin sometimes seem to be looking for that darn satellite by way of hot air balloon?! This doesn’t even take into the account the times where you know you’re purposefully stalling…c’mon, you really don’t need to check Facebook AGAIN. πŸ˜‰
pre-run routine
It’s true, the runner’s pre-run routine may snowball at times, BUT I’ll tell you what, I like to run first thing in the morning and I’m also a total sucker for wanting every ounce of sleep so I’ve pared my routine down to about 10 minutes between eye ball crusty wiping and hitting the road. Here are some of my quick tips:

1) Lay all the gear out the night before. Shoes unlaced and sitting next to my pile of clothes, Garmin sitting (hooked up to the charger because I am petrified of it running out of batteries mid-run) next to my clothes.

2) Hit the bathroom. I give myself about 10 minutes to let my guts wake up (I allow myself this window of email/website/Facebook time...but I look at the clock and stick to just 10 minutes.) and off I go.

3) Start locating. I hit the ‘locate’ button for my Garmin when I go into the bathroom to let that sucker start up. On my way out it’s done 99% percent of the time.

BOOM. I’m out…no more farting around for this girl. I will say that I have a finicky stomach so I eat a big snack before going to bed at night and then don’t eat in the morning. If you DO need to eat before your AM run:

* Nightstand nosh: I’ve had friends leave an energy bar on their nightstand and wake up in the night to eat it, then roll back to bed.

* Liquid nutrients: Drinking something with sustenance when you’re close to run time can often be easier than handling food if your stomach is sensitive.

* Nighttime bedding: If you need an extra hour or so before your AM run to eat, get to bed earlier and be strict about it. Sleep is incredibly important for runners, so don’t skimp there…you can use the extra morning hour to do things you would have done the night before. Getting sucked into YouTube gems included.

Here’s to getting to that run before that first Cup ‘o Joe wears off! πŸ˜‰
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Check out my post on taking care of those runner pops, squeaks, creaks, and niggling injuries.

Check out my post on pre-run nutrition and finding foods that will sit well in your stomach and timing your fuel.

Check out my post on liquid nutrients.

Check out my post on GI issues for runners.

Check out my post on sleep for runners.

Check out more Runner’s Strip cartoonage!

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1) What usually takes the longest in your pre-run routine?

2) What are some of the runner rehab elements you do to take care of the ‘old bod’?
Plantar rolling and leg swings are staples.

3) Do you drink coffee before your runs?
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Super Secret, Amazing, Scientific Answer To Avoiding Holiday Weight Gain: RUN

Every year around this time I admit to getting up a little on my runner’s high horse and thinking, “Gosh dang, you people, shut up about all those ‘Avoid Holiday Weight Gain’ articles the answer is simple: RUN!”
no fat in running
I’m not shy and fully own up to being a neurotic runner who does run every day, the holidays are no exception. And you want to know a little secret? One of the BEST perks of being a runner = eating like a runner = looking like a runner and not a sumo wrestler.

There is a little thing called balance, moderation, and then license to grub hard. That last one also applies to special circumstances (ie: holidays) where you eat foods and amounts (ie: foods in trough-sized plates) you wouldn’t normally…but that also circles back to the law of averages and your nutrition for the entire year.

runner eating pizza

Eating steak pizza isn’t going to be enough iron, in addition to diet you should be supplementing.


So, Runners, I believe if we are then the kinds of runners who brave the weather, who don’t miss a day just because the gyms are closed (uhh, it’s called outside…hehe) or what the calendar says, let us all sit atop our little high horses and cringe at all those stupid article. Because the truth is we’ve solved the holiday weight gain conundrum…

Run. πŸ˜›
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My article on dining out for runners also touches on the topic of nutrition, balance, and license to indulge: How Runners Can Stuff Their Faces at Restaurants and Still Perform at Their Best
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1) Do you do the eye-roll and head-laugh every time you read one of those ‘avoid holiday weight gain’ type articles or stories? Do you also realize that it’s usually rehashing the same obvious tips over and over again? πŸ˜›

2) Do you adjust your running or dietary habits around the holidays? How do you keep balance?

3) What is your favorite type of holiday indulgence?

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Runners, Get Your Confidence On: Workouts to build the confidence you need to race your best

I’ve talked a lot about how important confidence is for runners. When you step to the line of a race, and any workout too for that matter, it is confidence that helps quell those nerves. You tell yourself that you’ve battled through excruciating pain before and you’ll do it again to get to the finish line certain you left it all out there.
woman running
Confidence is often a tricky because in order to build it up you have to have accomplished certain distances, workouts, and runs. Though, in order to conquer those workouts you’ve got to have enough confidence guts to get out there attempt them, and then kick their butts. So it’s a bit of a revolving door, chicken and egg thing. Thankfully running gives us ample opportunities to cycle through those revolving doors (ie: umm, every day! Hehe) so if you do have a weaker workout, get through it and look forward to the next workout which you can demolish. The key here is, in order to escape bad workouts with your confidence intact; you have to LEARN from them but then push them out of your mind.

The confidence you get when you step to the line of a race should come from the workouts that you nailed. The mile repeats that you came in under goal-pace, the tempo run where that last mile you definitely hit through to a new level of pain tolerance, the 800’s where you surprised even yourself.

Over time a runner comes to have those ‘key workouts’ that stand out in their minds; the ones they’ve done time and time again and over the years it’s become a bit of a benchmarker. It’s often fun (and motivating) to see the progression over the years; at the same time these types of workouts can do much in the way of indicating you are set for a stand-out race.
kara goucher
My latest article up on Competitor: “Confidence-Building Workouts From the Pros” shares four of these confidence building workouts from some of the professionals. Josh Cox and Tera Moody talk about their staple marathon workouts, Sara Vaughn shares about her speedster 800’s and Renee Metivier Baillie did 500’s up at altitude to predict what kind of 5k shape she was in.

I had a lot of fun doing this particular article because I know that we ALL have workouts that we particularly enjoy doing because they make us feel ‘on’ and then when we step to the line of a race we know it’s ‘go time.’

Check out the article over there, but I’d also like to hear what kinds of workouts you use as benchmarkers, race predictors, or workouts you’ve done for years and you use the progress as motivation to keep on kicking butt out there! πŸ™‚

1) What is one of your ‘key’ workouts that give you confidence or help build your confidence before a race?

2) When you step to the line of a race, what kinds of things do you do to bolster your confidence?

3) Have you done, or do you want to try, one of the workouts talked about by the elites I profiled in the article?
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